Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Road Trip...

So we're driving out to New York this week with the kids to visit the in-laws..this will be the kids first long car trip. The furthest Dane has ever driven is Waco..nothing like throwing him into the fire head first with a 24 hour car ride!!! Now that I have put it in writing I have to wonder what the F@#$ am I thinking???

On a serious note though, I am terrified. Terrified of having my kids on the road, terrified of the whackadoodles out their driving and not paying attention. Noone prepares you for the anxiety you will have when you become a parent. I never used to be such a paranoid patty about such things until 9 years ago....

September 2001 a dear family friend was murdered on the street I grew up on. He was stabbed to death for trying to stop a neighbors car from being broken into. When I got the call to get to the hospital my life changed forever. That was the day I realized I am not untouchable. That God can't stop bad things from happening just because I pray before I fly, or get in the car. As a result of that day I find myself frozen with fear. I force myself to travel, let the kids go with grandma for the night, etc...

Funny thing is, I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to always be so afraid, I want my kids to live, go on adventures and know that I support them and want them to spread their wings...the question is how do I do it without feeling like I am going to puke?

Sorry for being so deep tonight...this blog is also my way of purging myself of all the crap in my head. Aren't you so lucky? :)

1 comment:

  1. Hey girl, I know what you mean on both counts. I wonder sometimes if there's a part of me that enjoys torturing myself with screaming kids sitting in an enclosed space for hours or just subjecting others to what I deal with by putting them all on airplane. Our last flight we had 5 kids with us between mine and their cousins. Our fellow passengers LOVED us!! ;)

    But I know what you mean about the fear too. The easy thing to do would be nothing, just sit at home and not let them go anywhere. It's incredibly hard to let go and realize that you don't have as much control over things as you would like to think you do. You'll drive yourself insane if you start thinking of all the what if's. Or just put yourself into a deep depression--that's what happens to me when I start thinking about it too much.

    The thing is they're going to grow up and go off, with or without your help. Better to be there for them and encourage them than have them blame you for why they couldn't enjoy life sooner.